Dainty Sichuan Noodle Express

If it isn't spicy enough for you, there's even more chilli and oil at the tables!

I am a massive fan of Dainty Sichuan, spicy food is great, but noodles are even better. So along I hopped to this strangely set up semi-fast food joint in Emporium Melbourne. Like a typical asian fast-food joint, you order and pay at the central counter then take a number and find a seat through the maze of oddly placed benches and individual tables.

Stewed Lamb Ribs ($12.8) were not as spicy as I expected with minimal bone to annoy you. The stock is very similar to what the other Dainty Sichuan chains use as their hotpot stock, so you know it will be spicy with that strange numbing spice to boot. I was not a fan of the thicker noodles as it didn't absorb the full flavour of the soup as well, but I loved it anyway. 

One of the few non-spicy dishes on the menu is the Stewed Pork Belly ($13.8) - a pretty good option if I say so myself; probably the best dish we had on the day. The pork belly is pretty fatty, and stewed so the skin gets a bit chewy to be enjoyable; but there is an abundance of meat and the noodles are delicious. The flavour had seeped into the soup, and so you could really have just eaten the noodles and soup alone and it would have been enough. 

The Chongqing Spicy Noodle ($15.8) was definitely the worst dish of the day. The noodles were nice, thin so they absorbed a lot of the soup. However the soup was mostly chili oil and was incredibly spiced, and the chicken that came with it was mostly bone - barely any meat, and so unsatisfying having to dig through and spit out all the bone. The good part was  I really enjoyed the thin noodles but I'd still avoid this dish like the plague. 

Braised Quail Eggs ($2.0) nothing special, but I enjoy quail eggs, 'cos they're small and bite sized (and cheap) (like me).

TL;DR A nice fast noodle joint with spicinessxxx

Dainty Sichuan Hot Pot

I am a long-time fan of Sichuan cuisine, and Dainty Sichuan provides a more (unnecessary) up-market take on well-loved dishes. They recently opened a new location in the city which offers both their a la carte menu and hot pot style dining, so we jumped at the chance.

One thing you cannot expect from most Asian restaurants, is good or friendly service. Dainty Sichuan is no exception. The service was slow, and due to no one waiting at the front desk, it took a long time to be seated. A brief check of the menu showed a lot of my staple dishes were missing, but that’s ok, bring on the Chong Qing Hot Pot ($31.8/pp).

There is a lot of choice of items to cook in your hot pot, and all of the meat is fresh and tastes quite nice. You are able to split your pot into half-half, for the diners who don’t like chilli as much. The spicy side is saturated with spices and chilli and really makes it a Dainty Sichuan recognised soup. The non-spicy side has a lot of Chinese herbs and is chicken stock-based.

There were a few starters you could order as well, the pre-cooked fried chicken bits were reminiscent of the a la carte “kung pow chicken”. The lap cheong sausage was a favourite, but I typically don’t like the oily fattiness of the Chinese sausage. My favourite items were definitely the raw meats, meat balls and the pig’s blood cubes. The vermicelli and potato noodles were great as well, and the unlimited factor is definitely a plus. For those who need a bit of green in their meal to not feel guilty, there are plenty of leafy bok choy and cabbage to go round.

Just a warning, the soup gets quite oily after a while, so you may want to ask the waiters for a new bowl, and use one as an oil dumping ground.

TL;DR overall a nice hotpot, but you can get cheaper elsewhere (and it’s hard to mess up hot pot)

Crazy Wings

As you walk down Russell Street in Melbourne city and approach this native Chinese store, you can smell the distinct burn of chilli that you will forever associate with that time you couldn't stop crying from the pain of Crazy Wings, despite drinking a half litre carton of milk.

This review isn't about that time, because once is enough for me, but I do encourage you to undertake another of these ‘passage of rites’ and put yourself through what literally feels like your tastebuds on fire. Experience it with a friend, bonus points if you film it. It’s painful, you cry, you laugh, you cry some more and try to gather yourself after it’s all over. Much like most other things in life…

Crazy Wings also have a nice daily deal where you can get two skewers (which rotate) for the price of one. Today was the garlic wings deal ($2.0 per skewer of two wings) so we bought a handful for half the price it would usually cost. They were a lot easier to eat than the Crazy Wings, and thus more satisfying. They have a very distinct BBQ’d flavour and in terms of size, well, steroids may have been involved.

The tofu cube skewer ($2.0) was nothing really special; quite dry with just a sprinkle of chilli powder on it.

Overall it's quite a cheap place to have a quick snack or meal. Don't expect stellar service, you write down what you want on a sheet and then have difficulty getting service thereafter. But it's not really about that, y'know?

TL;DR Remember to bring a camera to Crazy Wings and film you and a friend consuming the fire.