Grand Trailer Park Taverna

While most fads of Melbourne die out, the burger reigns supreme to this day. Grand Trailer Park Taverna is in the heart of the CBD in an highly unlikely spot, above a 7-eleven. Don't let that worry you though, as soon as you step in, you are transported to America in all it's trailer-trash-chic glory. There are caravan shells which have been gutted and replaced with communal dining tables, and wooden cubby houses with bar tables and stools. The service counter is decked out like a diner, and the floor is synthetic turf. 

Spiked Milkshake

Kinder Surprise, Frangelico, Baileys ($21.0) Yes that's the real price, and yes that's a real Kinder Surprise, but the size of this drink is crazy-huge, and crazy-thick. One of the best milkshakes I've ever had, and the smooth way the alcohol was incorporated into the drink made it utterly delectable. I cannot wait to try every single flavour on the menu. 

Atomic

Premium Aussie beef pattie, American cheddar cheese, chilli cheese kransky, crispy bacon, BBQ sauce & truffle cayenne mayonnaise on a lightly toasted brioche bun ($16.5) + Hand cut chips (sml $2.8). I really, really love cheese kranskys, and so of course I chose this burger. It was like a triple meat stack attack. So great. The chips were pretty amazing too, thick chunky potatos fried to a crispy batter. Pro tip: ask for some truffle cayenne mayonnaise dipping sauce, and the experience is even better.

The Ivan Drago

Premium Aussie beef pattie, American cheddar cheese, crispy bacon, black Russian tomato, sliced beetroot & tsar burger sauce on a lightly toasted brioche bun ($16.5) + Hand cut chips (sml $2.8). This burger was definitely the star of the day, and it was all in the tsar burger sauce - finely chopped pickles in a creamy tangy sauce. It made the burger sloppy and so tasty. I'd get this again in a heartbeat.

These artery-clogging Nutella Donuts - 3 fresh nutella filled donuts coated with sugar ($9.5) were pretty amazing. The explosion of runny nutella and the traditional sweet donut were a great way to finish the meal off. But next time, I'm choosing waffles!

TL;DR I can't wait to go back and eat more things of their menu (read: their spiked milkshake flavours)

Hell of the North

Hell of the North and its famous yellow door had been recommended to me incredibly frequently, and when I finally made the booking, more gushes of “I've heard that place is amazing” came my way.

The interior is a maze of rooms which house a various amount of heavy wooden dining tables, pub style round high seated tables, private room and a beer garden. Definitely eclectic, but the atmosphere is smooth and refined. The menu had my mouth watering for days, and our table ordered a fair whack of it, much to the amusement of our waiter.

I kicked off the night with an Orchard Mule: Vodka, Apple Liqueur, Shiraz, Lime, Ginger beer ($17.0) which was a sweet treat down the hatch. 

The Heirloom Tomato Gaspacho, Buffalo Mozzarella, Smoked Tomato & Anchovy Sorbet ($7.0) was served frosty cold. The sorbet was exciting in words, but when I tasted it, it was too sweet and did not have the salty kick that anchovies usually have. The tomato with balsamic oil through the soup was refreshing and sweet. The cube of mozzarella had a nice earthy flavour, grounding the dish along with the brioche cubes. It was an alright start, but definitely not the best gazpacho I've had. 

The next dish to arrive was the Pulled Pork & Gruyere Doughnut ($7.0) which was AMAZEBALLS. Hearty and meaty, and fried dough which wasn't too thick to hide the pork flavour inside. You can’t get much better than this. 

Only I wanted to try the Prawn Fritter, Tamarind Sauce ($7.0) but they ended up bringing out two, which was a bit of a waste. Though the prawn was definitely a prawn, a lot of the flavour came from the nice salty/sweet tamarind sauce. The dish was a lot like something you’d get at Yum Cha, but for double the price. 

Charcuterie Selection ($28.0) included the Chicken Liver Parfait, Madeira Jelly, Brioche + Pork, Prune & Pistachio Terrine + Pork Rillets, which were delicious and fatty. The terrine was quite nice, especially if you managed to get all ingredients in one forkful. Next time I would just order the Parfait on its own, as it was the clear start of the selection. A smooth liver parfait with a layer of Madeira jelly on top meant there was the meaty tasted of chicken liver, combined with the sweetness of the Madeira.

I loved the charcuterie selection, and they even gave us an extra serve of bread when they noticed we had run out. Without us asking! I was suitably impressed. 

The Beetroot Cured Kingfish, Orange, Pickled Cucumber ($26.0) wasn't that good. It was lacking in salt to bring out the fresh sweetness of the kingfish, and there was an abundance of oil used which didn't add anything to the dish. The cucumber and carrot were quite a neutral flavour, so the dish fell flat overall. 

I wanted to try the Bloody Maria ($15.0) with tequila instead of vodka, and it definitely gave the drink a different dimension. The taste became deeper and heavier, but it wasn't my favourite Bloody base, so it was hard to judge. 

Navarin of Lamb ($32.0) was a deliciously cooked medallion of lamb; the red wine jus and peas gave the dish a sweeter element, and it was nice to sample a red meat and contrast it with the white meat in the following dish.

I quite enjoyed the Milawa Duck, Red Cabbage, Madeira Jus ($34.0) the duck was tender and had a substantial amount of meat on the thigh for a duck. On top of that there were additional cuts of duck fillet on the site. The crackling was like a combination of fried duck skin and prawn cracker, which was gone all too soon.

I always order Pommes Frites ($8.0) when I can. Delicious!

I am a big fan of the crunch from these Green Beans, Chilli, Garlic, Anchovy Crumb ($8.0), the anchovy crumb was quite subtle, as was the chilli spice (one piece pictured), but it offered a nice token vegetable dish to our meal.

Crème Brulee ($14.0) is Crème Brulee, a good creamy vanilla custard texture with a thin crust which shattered daintily. 

The Baba au Rhum, Pineapple, Licorice ($14.0) was not as strong as other Babas I’ve had, which was good, as it’s still not my kind of dessert. The cake was very soft, with a nice springy texture, but I let the others finish this one.

Chocolate, Peanuts & Whisky ($14.0) was probably the most coveted desert of the night, with a unanimous vote of confidence. There was a good chocolate cake base, with whisky ice-cream and foam sprinkled with peanuts. I thought it would be a boring traditional dish, but it definitely tasted the best. 

For some reason, in my mind the Apple Bavarois, Blueberry Sorbet ($14.0) was like a warm Tarte Tatin, but instead it came out as a cold, creamy dessert. Either way, it was quite interesting. It had a rather thick custard-like texture, with a crunch from the clever use of celery. It was a nice subtle sweet dish, without being too overpowering and filling. 

TL;DR Try it, even just for the Pork Doughnuts

Tivoli Road Bakery

Tucked away on a nice road, Tivoli Road in fact, this bakery is a nice escape from the hustle and bustle of Chapel and Toorak. They stuff their sandwiches full of gourmet fillings and offer all sorts of tempting pastries. Despite getting rid of their delectable cronuts a while ago, Tivoli Rd still manage to tempt and impress with their regular donuts filled with changing flavours like salted caramel, sticky toffee and crème brûlée.

Today I was lucky enough to grab the choc mint donut ($4.5, and the lemon curd went to That Girl). I have tried their hot cross bun, salted caramel, lemon curd and chocolate fillings and I have to say this choc mint was the best of them all – smooth, not too heavily minted and left me wanting more.

Their caramel banana & coconut muffin ($4.5) was very nice as well, though the desiccated coconut was more evident than the actual muffin and the caramel was quite subtle. Otherwise, the muffin was moist and I enjoyed the banana taste without having to eat chunks of un-mashed banana.

TL;DR Go for the Doughnuts.

The Flour Market

Waking up early to join the already impressive line outside the Fitzroy Town Hall at 8:45am on a Sunday morning was totally worth it for my carb-starved body. But here are a few tips for the seasonal Flour Market, held in various (hipster) locations in Melbourne.

1. Bring cash only - do not look a fool when you burn through your money after two stalls (me.) and have to turn to a generous friend to borrow from (thanks Will!)
2. Don't hesitate when you want to buy something, it will probably be gone when you look back. 
3. This is more for the stallholders but LABEL YOUR ITEMS, it will save a lot of time when you don't have to explain every flavour of tart to every single customer.
4. Get there early, we were in and out within two hours with decent waiting times (definitely gets worse as the morning goes on), not to mention things sell out (All Day Doughnuts were gone in 4 hours). This doesn't apply when storeholders get there late on purpose (apparently that happened at the Valentines Bake My Heart Flour Market)

On to the food, chaps.

Bakewell & Co.

The Choc Cross Peanut Butter Cookie ($4.50) was amazing! I loved every bite and wished I bought more. The chocolate was soft and melty and the cookie was soft and chewy. So good.

The Sweet Apple Pie Slice ($6) was also beautiful (but unfortunately no picture because it got squished in the frenzy of carb-loading). I loved the pie crust which tasted awfully similar to shortbread. The apple pieces inside were done to perfection - no random tough skins to bite through, or overly sweet. The only complaint I have, which made the whole experience a bit jarring, was the pastry at the bottom of the slice was completely raw, so I grilled it for a bit and got a nice piece of biscuit. A friend had a similar experience with the spiced pumpkin pie but despite this, we were both thoroughly impressed (he said I need to try the Key Lime Pie. I am excited!).

Tivoli Road Bakery

Tivoli's Hot Cross Buns ($3.50) were recently declared as the best hot cross buns in Melbourne! So of course I picked one up to try. To be fair, I did eat it the next day, toasted so I didn't get a feel of the "moist, with an appealing bounciness" described in the article. However, it was a delicious hot cross bun. It looked great and wasn't too spicy or fruity - even with the orange rind mixed through.

The famous Tivoli Cronuts did not choose to make a comeback at the Flour Market (but I will continue hoping) but they did have some hot cross bun stuffed donuts ($4.00).These to me tasted like Christmas pudding in a donut (but I don't really enjoy Christmas pud so maybe it did in fact taste like a really well done Hot Cross Bun)! That is to say, it was lovely and spice-filled and delicious. The littler currants mixed in were a great addition. Tivoli sure know how to make people feel warm and fuzzy inside with their donuts.

Pure Pie

These guys were a massive hit, with the biggest line in the room. Desperately wanted to try the Quiche Lorraine, but alas we were too slow. So we settled for their Pie special which was chicken, corn, bacon and leek (I know right!) And yes folks, it tasted as good as it sounds. Lovely and creamy, and so darn tasty, there were huge chicken pieces in there which you could satisfyingly chew through, and all the ingredients complimented each other so well!

We also got the Beef, Cheddar, Guinness & Thyme Pie ($8.50) holy moley. These guys know how to make their pies. The beef filling ate like a meal, a warm comforting winter meal; and the pastry was light, crunchy and oh-so-good. I think I have finally found a place that has beaten Pie In The Sky, and that is not an easy thing to do - and I'm happy because it's a lot closer to get my pie fix now!

The pork, apple and fennel Sausage Roll ($6.00) which was delicious on first bite, but then I decided it was a little bland - probably best eaten with some of the relishes Pure Pie have on sale. I would buy it again though, as the pastry around the meat was delicious like the pie base, but really let's be honest, these guys aren't called Pure Pie for nothing.

All Day Donuts

This guy Raph, the mastermind behind Beatbox Burger amongst other things, is a genius churning out hit after hit after hit.

This beauty is the cream cheese glaze donut with milk berry rubble. The icing on this puppy tasted so good, it was sweet and I could have dunked donut after donut into the glaze. For some, without this glaze the donut may be a bit bland or not sweet enough for some, but it tasted fine to me either way.

The tried and true Passionfruit Curd with Coffee Glaze and Chocolate Rubble had and awesome passionfruit curd centre, a surprise that I probably should have seen coming. The curd was very well done, not being too sweet but so creamy! I much preferred this donut to the other.

Nora Tarts

These stunning tarts looked gorgeous on the trestle table set up and the crowd around them eagerly jostled to be served. This Bonsoy Cereal infused Earl Grey tea, lady finger caramelised banana, grass jelly, cornflake crunch, dried blueberries/cranberries, and Froot Loops tart is a mouthful to say but not so much in taste. I felt like the tart had a strange flavour; like tasteless pastry with a strange after taste where I swear I could taste the charcoal mix, which gives the black colour. It is unfortunate as the pastry is usually what I look forward to the most in my tarts. I am unsure if it's because the taste of charcoal is too strong (tasteless) or whether there isn't enough fatty butter and sugar added. The contents were initially nice and creamy in line with the bonsoy tea, but then it got weird due to the combination of Froot Loops and grass jelly. I think they went a bit ambitious with the flavours and it didn't balance for me. 

On the other hand, the chocolate ganache, mango, orange puree, pistachio and freeze dried mandarin tart was a lot better. Possibly due to the stronger and heavier taste the dark chocolate brings to the tart. The smooth chocolate filling was not too bitter and not too sweet. The orange puree and mango hiding underneath the surface had a nice sweet hit that broke up the heavier chocolate taste. Delicious. The pistachio and mandarin flakes were a nice addition as well. I would recommend these tarts to someone who needs to look fancy at a party when they present their dessert platter. 

I hope to visit the stockists of Nora Tarts in the future as in all honesty, my storage was pretty poor and I need to give them a fairer go; but at this stage their tarts definitely looked better than they tasted.

I am so glad I hauled myself out of bed in the early AM to attend this carb-fest, I spent my money like a bazillionaire and don't regret any of the purchases! A great little morning in Fitzroy Town.

TL;DR If you can get down to the Flour Market you will not be dissapointed!

Big Lou's Donuts

I remember when the first Melbourne Krispy Kreme store opened in 2006; it was met with dedicated KK donut runs with tedious queues, all just to sink your teeth into that glazed shell covered donut. It  promised the feeling of America and made you feel "like a man with blue eyes, kissing a girl with a big ass." Yeah, I got me a glazed dozen. Despite the initial enthusiasm, most of the Victorian chains went into voluntary administration in 2010 and only four stores are left today. This is where Big Lou's Donuts come in, filling the somewhat American-style-donut niche market on Brunswick Street.

To be frank, these donuts reminded me a lot of Krispy Kreme's in terms of the texture of the dough. I bought a Bear Claw, Salted Caramel donut and a hot jam donut which cost me $10 in total.

The hot jam donut had a nice crisp exterior, the dough was full of carb-satisfaction and the jam was sweet enough with just enough to complement the dough without going overboard and bursting out of the donut when you bit in. That being said, I personally am not a huge fan of the American donut taste - it feels a bit thin, oily and fried (which normally is a great thing) as compared to, let’s say, Australian donuts which are fluffy, more dough-y and generally more like sweet bread.

Big Lou does his donuts well; they are large in size and are suitably priced. There is a big flavour selection as well, ranging from Boston Cream Buns to Apple Pie, but some flavours were vaguely reminiscent of donut displays you see at New Zealand Natural. I did polish off my hot jam donut but was left feeling it just wasn't worth the calories.

TL;DR get in there if you like(d) Krispy Kreme.

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